To change or not to change?

I've been hearing a lot lately about people not wanting to change or, more specifically, not wanting others to try to force them to change.  The line that accompanies this (everyone say it with me) is "I am who I am."

Now, Popeye the philosopher to the contrary, I've come more and more to believe that this phrase is bunk.  Let me explain.

There are times, clearly, where we are what we are, and it is unreasonable for others to expect us to be other than what we are.  I am a thinker, and to expect me to instinctively feel instead of thinking, well, let's just say you'll be disappointed almost always.  Others are spontaneous, or serious, or detail-oriented.  If we can accept that, and learn how to work with it, we'll all be better off.

But there is a key phrase there, and a key concept hidden behind it.  "Learn how to work with it."  Having managed groups of people many times, I know that it's imperative to understand who they are as individuals: what they value, what motivates them, how they like to operate.  If I ignore these things, my group fails.  But if I adapt the way I work to set them up for success, we all win.

So I adapt.  I know I need to.  We do it all the time.  When we are interacting with a 3-year-old on a playground we talk and act different from our behaviors and speech in a corporate meeting or when we're out for dinner with a group of old friends.  We do it consciously at first but it soon becomes unconscious; we just naturally adapt.  Another word for adapt?  Change.

So we can change, and we don't expect to say "I am what I am" in every context.  So when do we use it?

When we don't feel like changing for the other person.  At least sometimes, then, it's not the other person who is the issue, but our own choice to stay the way we are.  We are often more committed to being who we want to be, how we like to be, than to being in healthy relationship with the other person.

And of course it's also ludicrous to think that we don't or won't change.  As we learn and grow, as we live, we become different from who we were.  The old bromide "You can't go home again" refers to the fact that we change, and others change, and we can't just go back to the way we all used to be.

As you are confronted with opportunities to change today, remember that you do have a choice.

Politics, the Other Kind

It seems everywhere I go lately I've ended up in conversations with people about "politics."  Not the elected, government kind but the office and organizational kind.  Numerous people have commented that they hate politics -- a common lament.  Sadly, however, they have been following that with another comment: that they are withdrawing from full, active participation in the organization and some of its crucial conversations.

I don't remember who it was (apologies, especially if you're reading this) but a friend recently had an insight on this topic.  She (he?) said it's absurd to rail against "politics" because politics is really just about people.  She was right: what we refer to as politics is really just individuals and groups of people working hard for what they believe is best.

Now, I'm certainly not naive enough to think that everyone is always working for what really is best. And I'm not foolish enough to think that everyone is working for what is best for the organization, or for all involved.  Sometimes people work hard for what will be best for them, even though that might not be best for the organization, other employees, customers, etc. (Exhibit A: Congress).

Regardless, it is hard for me to be a part of something and not be willing to work to make it better.  It's part of what makes me: improvement, development, is my heartbeat.  Almost every group I join I end up either leading or trying to coach others.  This, as you can imagine, sometimes makes me unwelcome.  Some groups don't want to rethink the way they do things, don't want to look for ways to make it better.  Maybe they just went through a change, maybe the rest of their lives are full of hard work and they don't want to add another place of hard work.  I get that.  No need for me to be offended by it.  I am a change agent, and in a system that isn't ready for change, get ejected.  No problem.

But I don't think "politics" is a sufficient reason to stop trying.  Politics, in its real sense, is how groups of people make decisions.  I want to understand where people are coming from, why they think the way they do and want what they want.  Then I want to work with them to craft a solution that meets what they -- and others! -- want without all the hard feelings.

By God's good grace, he has gifted me in the very area of my passion.  I both thrill and excel at getting diverse groups of people to see each other's needs and collaborate to satisfy all.  You can see this in the work I did at Kaiser Permanente, my former employer; in my work with AllOne Community Services, striving against history to bring a group of churches and pastors into dialogue about collaboratively meeting community needs; and in my work with SEED Livelihood Network, encouraging pastors, lay people, resourced and un- or underresourced, first- and developing-world, to dream together about ways to promote economic justice and sustainable livelihoods for all people.

So to politics I say, "Bring it on!"  Let's enter into healthy, effective ways of making group decisions about our workgroups, our churches, our organizations, and let's keep the dialogue going.