Poverty is a mental thing

I live a very rich life, and yet so often I am frustrated at my own poverty.

My rich life is evident for all to see: I own a home (well, the mortgage company and I sort of co-own it), a minivan, furnishing, clothing, books (lots of books), and the like.  I have immediate, extended, and in-law families that love and support me.  I have many friends all over the world, including many of my neighbors, current and former coworkers, and classmates.  I have an active life, with many worthwhile things to do.  I never lack for anything I need, and almost never for anything I want.

And yet I am poor.

I am poor because it never seems enough.  There is always something more I want to own, to do, to, well, I suppose to be.  I suppose that gets at the crux of the issue, doesn't it?  I want more friends, more goods, more knowledge, more ... because I am not satisfied with who I am.

When I go through a buffet line, or even open my own refrigerator and cupboards, and I see a limited quantity of something, my instinct is to grab it because it will soon be gone.  My instinct, that is, is to get mine while I can, because there isn't enough ... and the implication is that I must have it.  If four of us go out to eat and there are only three items on the appetizer plate, someone must go without it, and it shouldn't be me.  Not because I "deserve" it, really, but because I'm afraid I don't deserve it.

Where does this attitude come from?  What insecurity do I have, and is it unique to me?  I imagine -- though the theologians reading this might beg to differ -- that this is some of what James 4 is talking about.  He says that no one who is a friend of the world can claim to be a friend of God.  God owns it all, and never runs out.  Jesus was the same way: the heir of God, and he never seemed to lack.

Romans 8.17 says that we are co-heirs with Christ.  So that means ... that I also have everything, and lack nothing.  But I don't live that way.  I am stingy, not generous; hoarding, not free-giving; always noting what I don't have rather than what I do have.

Could it be that poverty is not determined based on my bank account?  Or my balance sheet?  Or my closet?  But instead based on my mind?

And if so, and I am poor, then that means ... my poverty is a lack, not of funds or things, but of faith.  And that's going to be much harder to deal with.